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| Nearly a year ago, I wrote the last entry.
Time to see what happens after college. Notes to self:
1. I must hone my illustrative ability, and draw and draw and draw.
2. I must hone my story writing ability, and write and write and write.
3. I want to start a comic.
4. I want to dabble in self-produced animation that doesn't suck horribly.
5. I must work on more film/video shoots.
6. I'd like to do extra/background/voice-over work, if I can find a good entrypoint.
7. Get paid by SOMETHING as I am doing all that. If any of the previous can cover in for this, then that's a step in the right direction.
There. That's a lot to work with already.
Aaaaaaaaand go
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| This summer, to be frank yet vague, hasn't felt like the best I've ever had.
I'll admit, I still enjoy home, there's no place like it-- and the San Diego Comic-Con was a truly singular experience, enough to make me consider the possibility of attending again next year.
But there are looming undercurrents that run strong, and they have left me in a sort of disrepair.
I suppose one could chalk some of my recently dug funk to a growing realization that during a time of ample time, I have found few ways to make truly effective use of it.
Perhaps it starts before coming back up here; I was idling about my apartment in San Diego, waiting anxiously for a response to my summer sublet posting. I didn't have a job going into summer, and without financial aid to assist my monthly payment, it seemed as though the best way to cut my losses would be to hand off the rent duties to someone else and spend time at good ol' rent-less home.
In retrospect, I wouldn't call it a stupid move. It was, however, extremely unfortunate. Having set my heart on that course of action (partially because I wanted to visit home, and partially because my mom wanted me to visit home), I didn't once consider the possibility of finding work during summer while in San Diego, convinced that I only had a month, max, left there.
That maximum of a month ran its course, and in the end we found no one to replace me, or my roommate. So in vain, we ended up biting some big ol' bullets anyway, and I had a month already, jobless.
Waiting a month to come home left my working prospects here almost equally dampened. With only about 2 months to live here, without a significant connection to any workplace in the area, I was too spoiled by my sweet, sweet gig at the Fish Lab to consider minimum wage a desirable option-- especially since I had another thought:
I thought, "Perhaps this summer is finally time to brainstorm some ideas for scripts and projects." A minimum wage job that would only pay well in exchange for most of my waking hours felt like a commitment that would suck out all the energy needed from me to create anything. In fact, my decision has not been a complete failure. I have managed to devise some scraps I find pleasing, but the disclaimer on these is that most of my ideas are rather... impractical, for student filming. Though I would actually find comics a fine medium for some of these ideas, I lack the illustrative ability to bring them to full fruition.
So, one thing is that I wish I had worked harder on developing my drawing skills. That is actually one of the things that's been getting to me lately. I haven't given up on drawing or anything, but if I worked seriously on it during my earlier years, I feel I could be in a much better position right now. It is one of my foremost regrets.
Another thing: I have suddenly gained an almost ridiculous interest in comics, both before and redoubled after Comic-Con. They are an expensive hobby, and a very hard industry to break into, even on the internet. It feels like a frivolous interest that is slowly taking me over-- as though I am being consumed by it without ever being able to contribute due to the impracticality of trying to achieve any success with it. And again, we come to my less-than-professional ability to draw.
This also applies to animation, perhaps moreso, right now.
So what HAVE I been doing, as everyone loves to ask? The list of activities is short. There are scheduled weekly meetings with friends, the occasional non-scheduled meeting with friends, the absurd sleeping patterns, the videogames, the watching of movies and TV series, the reading of comics. Personally I enjoy the reading and watching-- I consider it all an opportunity to study (especially with wonderful little gems like Persepolis).
But no one else seems to see it that way, and I won't bother explaining it that way, because it just sounds like BS when coupled with the rest of the 'nothing' I do all day. I have come to greatly dislike inquiries regarding my recent activities. I assure you, they will be unexciting to you. No, I am not currently working. No, I do not have a gym membership.
All this, and I am around $1000 in the hole this summer due to
my rent situation, so I feel bad spending money on nearly anything.
And finally, sitting on a balcony in my brain somewhere, there's some demon from last summer who loves to shoot rubber bands at my thought processes, whenever the hell he feels like it. I was ready to stop being an idiot about it months ago, but my mind doesn't seem to agree.
The past couple days I've been taking a break from AIM. It's actually pretty refreshing. I should keep it up a while longer, to just indulge in all the things that can get me right again, including a healthy dose of kick-my-own-ass. A healthy dose.
P.S. Hiya
For uh-- you know..... Health
What kind of creature does that? Knowingly tortures someone just to satisfy her own vanity?
LeMonsieurSkunk (2:43:00 AM): I loves me crack taco
H PIKACHU H (2:43:13 AM): don't we all, if we have enough of them
No offense, but that sounds like a buncha commie gobbledy-gook! -- Norm MacDonald
LeMonsieurSkunk (3:48:17 AM): Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't.
H PIKACHU H (3:48:33 AM): and what song is that
LeMonsieurSkunk (3:48:40 AM): It's not a song.
H PIKACHU H (3:48:53 AM): then what in the name of highschool football is it
LeMonsieurSkunk (3:49:07 AM): It's pouring out from my heart
H PIKACHU H (3:49:22 AM): your drunken heart is articulate
H PIKACHU H (3:49:28 AM): i am impressed
H PIKACHU H (3:49:42 AM): but i am afraid that i truly do not feel the power of your heart
H PIKACHU H (3:49:47 AM): so you can not make me love you
LeMonsieurSkunk (3:50:51 AM): I guess it only works on certain people
H PIKACHU H (3:51:00 AM): indeed
H PIKACHU H (3:51:22 AM): i am an immovable object
LeMonsieurSkunk (3:51:33 AM): and I, an unstoppable force
H PIKACHU H (3:51:42 AM): we are destined to do this forever
LeMonsieurSkunk (3:51:50 AM): Indeed, we are.
H PIKACHU H (3:51:59 AM): only i get to be crazy and laugh
LeMonsieurSkunk (3:52:08 AM): And I get to be angry and black
H PIKACHU H (3:52:17 AM): not too far from normal
LeMonsieurSkunk (3:52:25 AM): No, it really isn't.
H PIKACHU H (3:52:27 AM): ha ha ha ha ha
LeMonsieurSkunk (3:52:38 AM): HAhaha
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| Again, I am up past 5am unnecessarily, working on an assignment that isn't even extremely important, but just enough to obligate me to finish. S'what I get for lolligagging and watching Superman II instead of working. KNEEL before ZOD!
ZOD!
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| 3 years ago, I weighed 140 lbs.
Now, I weigh 170. And if my clothes are any indication, that number is increasing while I neglect to check it. I was pretty chubby once-- now the dormant potential for fatness is once again beginning to manifest, and I must rise to the challenge.
Assuming that my eating habits are unlikely to change (i'm not one to kid myself-- especially when such things as 24-hour mexican food restaurants exist), it is high time that I began some sort of exercise, for fear of rendering all of my waist-oriented clothes useless. Seriously, my jeans no longer work properly. I will be running scared, in a very literal sense.
It's been a long while since anything new's showed up here. Living life an' all that. Watching movies, playing the video games, doing the school work-- projects and whatever-- realizing more and more that I need money...somewhat depressing...
Anyhow, hopefully my car will be fixed sometime in the near future, and more hopefully still I'll be able to crawl out from underneath a recent wave of do-not-wants.
Live Free or Die Hard probably has the funniest depiction of a woman getting the crap beaten out of her...ever. 'Cause she deserves it-- and what's more, she can take it. Impossibly so.
That's it for now?
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| To me that'd be a sigh. And i do it often now.
For instance, it is past 6:30am, the sun is rapidly rising, and i'm fresh out of a long overdue shower. I have a problem with sleeping immediately after one, what with the hot water waking and heating me up-- so i need some kind of cooling period. It's rather stupid, even to me. Psycho-exhalation.
I showered that late because i was watching The Office with a couple dudes. I did not realize that so much time was passing, nor that we were so loud, and so we had apparently angered another dude that lives here, and completely justifiably so. We were being douchebags, and I felt bad. Psycho-exhalation. This isn't the first time that i've stayed up this late doing the exact same thing either, so double it.
In addition i feel bad because i intend to show up to work in a mere 5 hours, leaving me even less time to sleep. Psycho-exhalation.
And finally, my mind is weak. It gets stuck much too often in pointless cycles and outrageous speculations that help nothing-- and it's really starting to get to me now. The longer it continues, the worse it feels because i must acknowledge that it hasn't stopped, and honestly i see no end to it in the near future, and that really, really, realllly makes me sad. Psycho-exhalation.
The remaining causes of exhalation are myriad. This week has been the most hellish first week of a quarter yet...somehow.... thus far. Who knows if something great will happen tomorrow. One can only hope.
I am cooled and sufficiently sleepy. My performance at work will be sluggish. I feel sorry for my employers.
So How Do You Top That
Relaxing and pretty straight. ...Just like your mom! OH! I'm kidding, your mom's disturbing and crooked. -- Dan K
And so, the new year begins with a vigor comparable to that of a stubborn old man who doesn't like to be referred to as old. Not quite sure how that'd make sense, but of course it does. Start thinking. -- Dan K
I'm liable to fall on any floor and enjoy a 5 hour nap. Either that or death. -- Dan K
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